Stuck In A Ditch Explaination

Today, i got stuck in a ditch.
So i went on a delivery today at the end of my shift at 4:30pm. The driver, Tim, and i were headed out to the Princes Lakes area (aka the boonies, or the middle if flipping nowhere).
So we drive all the way there, go to back-in to the guys driveway and it didnt work. So I get out and Tim drives a ways down the road to a driveway and goes to back out when he somehow gets the back end jammed into the side of the ditch and his back tires get stuck in the wet and muddy grass (see the picture?). His wheels just spin when we try to get out.
We put boards and cardboard underneath the tires, but nothing was freeing the truck. So we finished the actual delivery for the people we came out to, which they were happy they finally have a refrigerator to put crap in, and called a towing company.
So now we are waiting for the tow truck to get us free, that is if he can even do it. Our truck is a doozy.
Right now, sitting in the cab of the truck writing this, in the dark (cause its 7:24pm and the suns gone down), ive never been so ready to go home and sleep, like, im dozing right now. Thats the only cool thing: its really peaceful out here. Its quiet except for the frogs and crickets making thier noises. But thats the ONLY good thing. Oh, and im getting paid overtime too.
In short, i hate this.
UPDATE:
So we waited until around 8:40pm for the tow truck to show up to tow us out of the ditch, and it took another half hour or so to actually get the monster out. We finally got back to the store right at 9:31pm, just in time to clock out with the last four people still there.
This night blew so hard i dont even want to work tomorrow. In fact, not only should i get to keep my overtime (a full 5 hours worth), but i should get to leave early friday too. Again, i cannot stress the hate i feel for today.
Today, i got stuck in a ditch.
-Dangerously Harris

-Dangerously Harris

Stuck In A Ditch

The Coolest Thing I Have Seen All Day...

check this out, hopefully it will work:
Iron Man vs Bruce Lee @ Yahoo! Video/div>

if this didnt work, just go here to see it:

http://video.yahoo.com/watch/4711867/12590475

"And I Thought They Smelled Bad On The Outside!

I have some weird fascination with the Tauntauns from Star Wars. And
for some reason i always find weird pictures of them. Like this one
for instance.
This is a close up of a wedding cake made to look like the scene where
Han Solo stuffs Luke Skywalker inside the dead Tauntaun.

The Don't Society

The message below didnt send along with the pictures. Enjoy my words:

I am starting a new movement called The "Don't" Campaign. Its like Nike's slogan that says, "Just Do It," only the opposite. It is pretty straightforward: If you find that you have even the slightest bit of apprehension about something - DON'T DO IT. Here are some examples using the above pictures:
1. If you are going on lunch at work and are tired, and you get to feeling like you just wish you had someplace ELSE to catch a few z's, then sleeping in your truck in the parking lot with the windows down is probably not a good idea. DON'T DO IT.
2. If you are taking a new picture for your Facebook or Myspace and amid the normal pictures you decide to be an idiot and come up with something like what this poor schlup did (whos lower face-area looks like its trying to escape to somewhere away from his "foreverginity"), then re-evaluate your choice and DON'T DO IT.
3. This one with the wolves just intimidates me. Whoever made this clearly has a wolf obsession and wants to share that with the world. In this case i would say that if you have the same thoughts of sharing, id advise you against it and say "DON'T DO IT."
There. Thats my idea. If you want to join, then do it. If not, then DON'T DO IT.  Basically, what im saying is just use your head, be smart, and dont be afraid to NOT go through with something that youre not comfortable with. Unless, like in the first picture of the sleeping man, you get too comfortable and check out right in your truck. I really hope he woke up 3 hours after he was supposed to be back and had to stay late to make up for the time he lost. I really do. Ha.
Anyway, ill leave you with this last "DON'T" situation:
4. This one has no picture and youll see why. If you have to fart real bad but think you might drop a deuce (a ha-duken, a loaf, or the hershy-squirts) right there in your pants if you try, DON'T DO IT!!!
Thats all. You are dismissed.
-Dangerously Harris

-Dangerously Harris

The "Don't" Campaign

So, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum...

Today i went to the local Dollar General to pick up a few essential items (that all cost under or just at one dollar) and i wound up making an utter fool of myself.

So i walked in, the right side of the double automatic doors, as youre supposed to, and i went in and found my items. I found the green tea, Sobe green tea at that, which is delicioso, and the Bit-O'-Honey candies that i love oh, so dearly. Like i said, these were essential to the night. So i get them, and walk up to the cash register, pay, and go to leave. Now this is where i get all flabbergasted.

I grabbed my bag of essentials, start putting my wallet back in my pocket while fishing my keys from my other pocket when, WHAM! (not the George Michael band), i walked straight into the automatic door.

"Well why didnt it open?" you ask? Remember i walked IN the right side of the double automatic doors. And, to exit, you are supposed to walk OUT the right side. Does that make sense. when you walk in a building with double automatic doors, generally you walk in the right side, while people exiting are walking out the left side. Think of it like the road. We drive on the right side of the road, and oncoming traffic is on the left. Anyways...

So i smash into the door, and im all bloody and bleedy......no im kidding. After i hit the door with a mild "boof," i kinda chuckled to myself and walked out to my car.

But inside......

I was kinda embarrassed, like the feeling you get when you get on an elevator and go to push the floor you want but its already pushed, so you feel kinda like an idiot. Like that, only i smashed into an automatic door in front of whatever troglodite Dollar General decided to rescue from welfare this week.

Sure, worse things couldve happened, but they didnt.

Like this blog states right up there in the picture of me, FOR NO APPARENT REASON. So dont be surprised if your sitting there going, "ok, so why are you telling me this."

Thats all. You are dismissed.

Mega Upload!!!

Hey guys, my sister and i have yet another episode of The Daily Meal,
which, contrary to popular belief, is not a christian radio show. We
just goof off and call random people. Like this episode, which is
split into four parts, we call our "cousin" Tony, i call hom Tones,
and shoot the poop with him.
Anyway, for all you non-listeners, i love that picture of Zombie Wars.
Its sweet. Oh if only George Lucas would allow this to be made. Too
bad :/
Anyway, thats all. I just dont have anything witty to say right now.
Peace out.

Wheres Lee-o?

These two pictures have nothing in common with what im about to
announce:
The Daily Meal has a new episode up! Listen to it at:
TheDailyMeal.mypodcast.com
But anyway, back to the pictures; um i think Jessica Biels is one of
the most attractive ladies on the globe, Megan Fox is number one in my
book, but Jessica Biels is pretty good looking too.
But in the picture i have posted, she looks like a marsupial of some
sort, i dont know. Its creepy kinda.
The other pic is of me, obviously, just being silly at work. I look
like Harry Potter, or an owl, or Waldo from "Wheres Waldo?"
That guy needed to avoid big crowds, yknow? He was always getting
lost, and losing all his junk, at the most inappropriate times and
places.
Think about it: hed lose his pimp cane, his dog, his car keys, Walda
his girlfriend with the most original name ever (though she looked
like a real "pain-in-the" so he probably was ok with just not being
around her; girls are like that sometimes), his wizard friend (how did
a nerd like him get special acess to a wizard? Cant the wizard, like,
use his magic to find all the crap Waldope lost?!), and his arch-
nemisis right in the middle of a beach party, or during the filming of
a Hollywood movie, and so on.
Anyway, the main points from this post are as follows:
1. TDM has a new episode.
2. Jessica Biels and Megan Fox are über hotties.
3. Waldo is a jerk.
4. So is his girlfriend.
5. Wizards are losers.
6. Dont date a girl who looks like yourself in drag and has the same
name as you, except with an "a" at the end instead of an "o."
I have completely lost my train of thought and where i was initially
going with this. Oh well.
Peace out.

Star Wars Zombies!!!

Zombies are cool, i dont care what time of year it is. But when you
throw in Star Wars into the mix, it becomes a whole new animal.
Whoever thought of putting zombies in the Star Wars unoverse (yes,
thats right-UNOVERSE, not universe. Get offa my back, yo...sheesh. Ill
throw you on the GROUND) is a genius.
Why didnt i think of that sooner?! I love zombies AND Star Wars; youd
think id make a connection at some point.
"hey, i love peanut butter AND jelly...i wonder - if i put them BOTH
on bread...?"
Anyways, these posters i found on the official Star Wars website are
both hilarious and awesome. Enjoy.

BACON Flavored What?!

So i was watching the food network last night while waiting for
Flashforward to come on (or as i like to call it, "Hoffs Drawler" -
only Lost fans will get that one), and the show that was on was
talking about the different uses and preperations for bacon; sweet,
sweet bacon.
They talked about how you can eat it with eggs or with toast, but
generally they agreed tha its a breakfast food.
Not anymore, i guess.
There is a company in like, Illinois, where they make and sell (!)
bacon flavored ice cream. Now, when you read that, you may think,
"ugh, gross. What kinda fatty would think that up?"
You guessed it: Pig-Hat Man.
He and his colleagues in Whereversville, Illinois make this ice cream
and its not only flavored like bacon, it also has bits of bacon in it
too. But, "why stop there?" he asked himself. "lets take strips of
bacon and cover them in chocolate and then put them in the bacon
flavored ice cream!" he exclaimed. His arteries probably just gave up
after that.
This guy is obviously a fine example of health and fitness and in no
way resembles the demographic of people who crave bacon bacon bacon.
He is a heart attack on ice.
But all in all, he is making money off this, and people are buying
this stuff left and right. So hes not an idiot, hes smart, but is at
high risk for A MASSIVE HEART ATTACK!!! I mean look at the guy! Its
not enough for him to cram bacon into chocolate and then apply that to
ive cream, the man has to wear a symbol of that bacon on his head. Im
gonna go out on a limb here and say he probably likes to eat, just
guessing.
But all this aside, part of me wants to try the bacon flavored ice
cream, just to see if its any good. But while i have self control, Pig-
Hat Man does not.
Peace out, planet Earth.

Is this NOT awesome?!

You guys dont know what i went through to get this picture. Ive showered eight times and i still feel dirrrty. 

But seriously, this is sweet. One of the coolest pictures of an old man ive ever seen. And hes dead, fyi, just to depress the situation. 

I should add a lightsaber to this...which reminds me: i have photoshop (cause im like a boss) and i can add lightsaber effects to pretty much anything i want. "So what?" you ask? Well if you are my friend and want a random lightsaber in a pic, or anything photoshopped for that matter, and dont have the $900 to throw on the ground (as if i do...lets just say im a pirate and a boss...and a ninja), i may be of assistance. Just "hit me up" as the kids say and we'll haggle prices (not money) and see what happens. 

In conclusion, Obi-Wan Kenobi is hella cool, and i am a dork....and single.   

-Dangerously Harris

The Man Card

So today my manager had his Man Card taken away because of this car.
Now, there are layers to this story, so lets Tarantino it a little bit:
Monday i was singing the song "Under The Sea" from "The Little
Mermaid," and i guess i over-did it a little and my manager, lets call
him Sir RidesBikesAlot, gave me this apalled look. Then he said that i
should have my Man Card taken away. I got it back the next day, but
still-it happened.
Now before i move on i want to explain what a Man Card is:
A Man Card is a metaphorical device used to rate how much of a man
someone, usually a man, is. This can be taken away by anyone, male or
female, in order to emasculate the person and make them realize how un-
manly they were just behaving. The only way to get your Man Card back
is to re-establish your manhood in some way, or do something that the
cardholder deems worthy of giving it back. You get the point.
Aaaanyway, today, my manager, Sir RidesBikesAlot, came back from lunch
and told me, "i think i need to have my Man Card taken away..."
I asked why and he told me about how he and his wife are test driving
cars and he had to drive this yellow VW Beetle back from lunch.
Yellow, as you may know, is, in my opinion, a gay color-nay, the
gayest color.
So, longstory short, i am now the cardholder of Sir RidesBikesAlot's
Man Card, the same guy who took mine away.
Payback is...well, you know.
I dont know if or when ill give it back, but as long as he drives that
car around, it stays with me.
The downside is that Sir RidesBikesAlot recognized this fact before
anyone had seen it, and in doing so he was a man about it, so he
really doesnt deserve to lose his Man Card.
Anyway, feel free to play this game, even if youre a girl...especially
if youre a girl.
Thats all. Have fun.

Im not sure...

Why is Michael Jackson on the cover of Architectual Digest? I stared
and stared at this picture for the longest time, baffled by the "why?"
and not so much on the picture. Lets dissect it.
Shoeless, wearing a hat (indoors, mind you), sitting in a chair bigger
than Saddam Husseins, hair over one eye...i mean really. Architectual
Digest? For real? MJ?!
And then theres the second pic. For real this is in this magazine.
Still rocking the hat (still indoors), shoes on the ground, a poster
of himself (who else?) on the wall in the background, and making that
piano cry tears of Thriller-red blood.
Whos bad? I think you know.
I still have one unanswered question: why is MICHAEL JACKSON on the
cover of Architectual Digest?
Theyre just making money off of his death. Which is in poor taste.
Shame on you, Architectual Digest, shame.
Oh well. Anyway, i guess thats all, seeing as how "its after midnight,
and something evils lurking in the dark..."
Feel free to comment. Feedback is offered for a reason, children (and
anybody older than me who reads this).
Thank you.

Thumby

This is just a weird pic i made of my thumb using an app on my phone
called "ZombieMe."
Its cool because you can take a pic of yourself, like that one of me,
and zombify yourself.
That one of the thumb makes me think of my big toe on my left foot.
Heres why:
I was at work unloading our RDC truck today when i picked up this box
that had a steel sink basin in it. The box was all torn up, and it
makes me mad to see this so i said to the other guy helping me, "man,
why do they send us crap in boxes that are falling apart?"
Then i picked up the box to move it onto a skid and the bottom fell
out, the sink basin landed on my toe and, yep, gravity works. My toe
is now black and blue.
Sweet huh?
It sucks cause i cant really walk on it, and i can feel the blood
pushing behind my nail, which is the most delightful feeling ever.
Ick. Sarcasm.
Anyway, im not posting a pic of my toe on here because i dont think
you wanna see it.
But if enough people ask me to post it, i will.
Thats all for now.
Im out, like a boss.

Lazy Susan (Im Bald)

Have you ever heard of a Lazy Susan? Thats a picture of one, in case
you didnt know. Its basically a small, circular table on top of the
main table thats on tiny ball-bearings so it will spin, making it
easier for everyone at the table to reach whatever is placed on it.
Why the crap am i talking about this completely random invention?
Well, i think ive figured out why its called a Lazy Susan:
I think the guy who invented the Lazy Susan named his product after an
ex-girlfriend.
Its gotta be that simple. He has this great product that only lazy
people would actually use, and thought, "how can i make money AND let
the world know that you should avoid Susans?"
The rest is history.
So, the moral of this story is that if you want to make money AND
indirectly injure someone you dislike, invent something that (a) only
stupid, fat, lazy, and or ugly people would want to buy, then (b) name
that product after the person you dislike and aim to hurt.
But, only greedy and heartless people would actually do this. So the
guy who made the Lazy Susan is probably an über jerkwad.
I guess what im saying is that instead of doing this and hurting
people even more, you should forget the past and move on. Move away.
Go back to where you came from. Leave it all alone. End of story.

THAT, and stay away from Susans, especially if they are lazy.

A dead bird

This is what i felt like today. This dead bird. The week wasnt
stressful but i am physically tired, as opposed to metaphorically or
ecumenically.
This bird was behind my place of business, the place i work, my place
of employment, my job, the building i work at. It was all dead and
stuff. Bugs were crawling all over and around and inside it, like ants
and junk.
There was a red spot on the wall where, im guessing, it smashed its
ugly bird face into the building and splattered bloood on it. Thats a
horrible way to go.
Maybe it had avian bird flu and died in mid air...now i have avian
bird flu.
Crap. This has been depressing. I am sorry.

Do the Dew as if your life depended on it...

"Do The Dew" is my new cause. I need to man-up more often (side note:
im in a chinese restaraunt right now and they are playing like Street
Fighter music, like from the old arcade game), grab life by the short
hairs and "Do the Dew like D-Vader would do (like who? Like who?)
Darth Vader you punk, D-Vader and his crew."

Join me in my movement and
DO THE DEW

Baby with emo bangs

This is Sophie, my cousins baby. We gave her emo bangs and it was
funny cause she looks like a balding emo kid.
Also, we did it again and she looks like shes in an 80's hair band.
Rock on baby, rock on.

Points of interest:

1. Indianapolis smells like butt today (thank you Kirk for this info)
2. Peanutbutter pie is AAmazing
3. Lines at the Taco Bell drive-thru should never be this long
4. Heaven is NOT a halfpipe
5. Yellow is the gayest car color (unless your gay, then its the ONLY
car color)
6. Girls who work at Taco Bell = never hott
7. RDC trucks suck
8. 60% of Americans waste 70% of thier time on the internet (thank you
for perpetuating this stereotype by reading this)
9.Im on a boat (dont you ever forget)
10. Old people do not need Facebook accounts ("what counts as old?"
you ask? Well if you have kids old enough to be in or have completed
school, you are either old, or a teacher. If you are both of these AND
have a Facebook account, you may wanna, yknow, start checking the mail
for a social security check, or planning a funeral, or writing up a
Will. Your younger friends may not want your liver-spotted, spider-
veined, Life Alerted, moth ball smelling, dried up piece of crusty
bread butt hanging around and posting old, sentimental things on their
wall. Not to say that being old is a bad thing, and i didnt say that i
personally feel this way. But, you know who you are, or you know
someone who may fit this criteria)

I love all old people, fyi.

Thank you for reading my blog today.

P. S. Please dont be offended by my words. I am, after all, only
joking. Kinda. :D

-Dangerously Harris