Is This Thing Still On?

Years ago...years ago they tried to...put me in the...

Is this live? 

Just a quick word, since I've been gone for so long - I thought I should let you know that I have a YouTube channel. Here's the introduction video, so feel free to come tell me how my opinion is wrong over there, since you can't do it here anymore. It's not your fault, I've just not given you anything for like 20 years now. 

Anyway, now that we've all had an existential crisis, enjoy my sad attempt to stay relevant! 

 

The Shallows - An Editorial of Sorts

After being away for literally forever…AGAIN, please forgive me and know that I have been mulling over things to write about for a long, long time. And while that usually means I would write about something recent, todays post will be slightly unique.

Today I have a different kind of a post, mostly because it’s about something I find to be very infrequently topical – sharks. Well, shark movies that is. With movies like 47 Meters Down coming out, and television networks devoting whole WEEKS to sharks, I feel like the group assumption of getting eaten by a shark is just a thing we all live with. So when a decent movie about sharks comes out I feel like it is my responsibility (as a person with such a bad shark phobia that I get nervous in the shower) to go and see it. So, that being said, I would like to talk about one underrated shark movie that came out a while back.



The Shallows is a 2016 movie starring Blake Lively about a woman who finds herself trapped on a rock 200 meters from the shore while a hungry great white shark keeps her from getting there. And that is basically it. But that’s not what it is ABOUT. Though, aside from the visuals of a beautiful beach and an attractive actress, the movie boasts nothing spectacular about this foray into the world of shark movies. But I ask the question, “is this REALLY just another shark movie?”

The obvious answer here is ‘no,’ it’s not just another shark movie, not in my opinion at least. This movie is riddled with symbolism, from the shark and the rock she is stranded on, to the seagull she helps and the very island she is visiting. This movie has a lot going on under the surface, pun intended. There are several things that happen in the movie that lead me to this conclusion, and I will show you why I think so. So let’s dive into this movie and see what we can fish out of its depths. Again, pun(s) intended.

The trailer shows briefly what I mean when I described the movie. It’s a shark movie. It’s got a shark in it. Sharky sharky shark shark. But the shark isn’t just a shark, and the rocks aren’t just rocks, and so on and so forth. There are a few things I want to detail, like the whale, the outcropping, the bird, and even the island she is there to visit, but I will start with the shark. Has the word lost its meaning yet?


THE SHARK

Greif can surround us and make us feel alone and trapped. It can eat at you and make you feel like you are losing yourself bit by bit. It can be a scary monster that rises and attacks without warning. And for those reasons, I feel that the shark in this movie represents Nancy’s grief at losing her mother. Not only does it keep her trapped on the small outcropping, but it constantly stalks her, and keeps her scared to leave. While the shark is obviously the main antagonist of the movie, it’s not the most important symbol that carries meaning with it.


THE WHALE CARCASS

The whale carcass is another symbol with more to it than what is told. I would venture to say that the whale is a representation of her life, and kind of the most important symbol in the whole film. Right after she is initially attacked by the shark, Nancy swims right for the whale carcass, instead of turning back to the shore. She goes straight for the thing she has always done, and that is to go with what is easiest. She is NOT in control of her life, so it is natural for her to succumb to the fear and follow the path of least resistance. In fact, when the shark takes hold of the whale from underneath, she screams, “Where are you taking me?” which I thought was odd, until I realized that she has been out of control of her life because of her grief. This is evident in the state of the whale. It has chunks taken out, and is bleeding. It is floating aimless in the shallows, far from where it is supposed to be, but just out of reach of anything solid. Her life is being controlled by her grief, and all she does at that point is let it happen.

That’s not to say that she wants this or is going to let it continue to happen forever. Nancy seems like a strong woman and we know that as the main character of this movie, she won’t be killed off that easy. This isn’t Rogue One after all. They killed off ALL their main characters. Like literally ALL of them. There was like six main characters that…no, no I’m not going to get into it here. This is about The Shallows. But man, I really need to do a Rogue One review…


THE ISLAND

Anyway, the island she is visiting represents her memory of her mother. She even calls the far off island the “Island of Pregnant Woman,’’ or something of that nature. She tells someone early in the movie that her mother came to that island when she was pregnant with Nancy. She obviously remembers her mother as something solid and safe in her mind. The only issue with this is that between herself and the island is the aimless whale carcass of her life, and the grief monster of a shark that is in control of it. She is figuratively barred from happiness and acceptance.

Things aren’t all bad though. With all great tests of character in movies there is always a way to cope with things and find your center again. Nancy, leaving the unsteady and dangerous whale carcass behind, swims to the outcropping after realizing the shore is just too far away. She knows this is not a permanent residence, but it is all she has until she can make it back. She finds safety in it, and even a bit of strength there. But what does it represent in the story?


THE OUTCROPPING

The small outcropping represents her hope. She clings to the hope of getting home and to safety, and as the tide comes in, her hope slowly fades. She must act before she loses it all. But hope is often all that people rely on in times of high stress or despair. Hope can be a barrier to or protection from pain or other negative things that people face. This is evident when the shark has a hard time getting to her when it tries to attack her. The coral on the outcropping has some sort of toxin that hurts the shark when it bites at her. This is hope her hope acting as a protection, keeping the grief at bay - for now.


THE BIRD

On the little outcropping, Nancy has a companion of sorts. A seagull with a broken wing is trapped on the rocks, unable to fly to safety itself. I can’t remember if the bird has its wing broken by the shark or if it is already there on the rocks when Nancy gets there, but either way it is another symbol that has meaning. The bird represents two things.

First, it represents her as the hero of the story. Before we really get into the meat of the movie, we KNOW that Nancy is having a hard time. She is ALREADY injured before she gets attacked by the shark. And just like Steven Seagull, Nancy is dealing with things before she gets stuck on the rocks.

Second, the bird represents her ability to take care of herself and others, which to me was a clear sign that she would survive the whole ordeal. That, and the fact that she is the main character. Because I mean, again, WHO kills off the main character in a movie like that? Just kidding, Rogue One did it. It did that with all six of its protagonists and with the main antagonist even. That’s seven times. SEVEN TIMES.

I’m sure there is more symbolism in this movie, like the buoy or the other surfers, or the drunk guy on the beach or the way the shark dies, but my head hurts and to be honest all this shark imagery is making my thalassophobia act up. Look it up, I promise it is a real word and thing and something I suffer from, despite being far from any ocean.

So, in conclusion, this movie is NOT just about a woman trapped on a rock in the shallows while she evades a shark and tries to not die. It is about a person struggling to repair her broken life and get over her debilitating grief and reclaim control of her aimless and stagnate life. By the end of it all, I think Nancy does just that. And who knows – maybe she was never even ON that island. Maybe the whole ordeal took place in her imagination, and she chose to personify these feelings and problems in these ways we see in the movie. That’d be a real mind explosion.

Thank you for reading my thoughts on this movie. I hope to have more things on here, but don’t hold your breath. Because there is a good chance I will go dark again for another year or whatever and will be WELL over the disappointing aspects of Rogue One and never review it. But, there is a small chance that I will make my next review about it. Who knows at this point?

Here It Comes...

Hello all and welcome back to the blog! Boy howdy it feels like a lifetime since we’ve had the chance to talk. Like a year. It’s been a year. I stink so bad at keeping up with this thing. Which is weird because I have SO MUCH to say about things. I’m so opinionated and mouthy, it’s a wonder I haven’t broken a thumb from pecking out my thoughts on my phone. 

Well, despite what I say, I have things that I plan on talking about here. Hopefully starting soon. I have an editorial coming up tomorrow with hopefully some movie reviews behind that later. As you know, this blog is called infrequent for a reason, so if you really care what I put here you can follow me on Twitter at @TheVoxofLee or just find me on Facebook. I usually am feeling narcissistic there and self-promote there before I post. 

Ok well, until sometime tomorrow, keep your head on straight and remember: THE POWER IS YOURS!

 

Battlefront: Twilight Company

I purchased this book recently and am enjoying it fully. I read books along with the audiobook to have full immersion while reading. This book is a delight to read as well. The characters are unique, their attitudes are relatable, and the settings are very "Star Wars." 

Star Wars Trailer #3 Breakdown

Ok ok ok, in the words of the almighty Matthew McConaughey, "Alright, alright, alright." Let's get to this trailer. I'm gonna just go through it scene by scene so just pretend you're watching, watch it, or go here and follow the screen grabs:

http://imgur.com/a/p1RDg

So I am happy that it starts out on Rey, played by Daisy Ridley. I wanna see her story more than Finn and his, yknow? I'm guessing she's one side of our Luke Skywalker-esque role and Finn is kinda the other half; the "dark side" if you will allow the pun. But she is a very interesting character, namely that I'm hoping she's a Jedi, and I'm hoping she isn't just a "nobody" like she says in the trailer. 

It shows her scavenging in the crashed Star Destroyer from the book "Lost Stars" (read it, it's good), and being sad cause she probably wants to leave Jakku cause it's all sand and we know how Anakin felt about sand from the PT. Love her face, love her accent. It's the accent of a Jedi, in my opinion. 

Next is Finn (John Boyega) and his intro. He was raised to do one thing, meaning he was probably raised in/by the First Order, not enlisted. That's interesting because he may have a past akin to Han Solo who, in the old Legends EU, was in the Empire but later left, much like what Finn here seems to do. So I'm thinking if they keep Han's backstory from the Legends it'll be cool cause he'll have something in common with Finn here.

Next is Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) and his intro, which is one of my favorite parts cause he's, well, he is awesome is what he is. He's looking out at a red...uh, lens flare (JJ Abrams everyone), I guess. I'm guessing this is the Starkiller Base we have heard so little about, firing at...something. He's going to "finish what Vader started," huh? What did Vader start, exactly? Hm, well I doubt Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac) knows, as it looks like it hurts him to be mind probed with the Force. But we will see. Maybe he's on the toilet and Kylo comes in at the wrong moment, idk. Oh and here's some trees blowing up in a red...um, lens flare again (c'mon JJ), which I'm guessing that's what Kylo was watching. Maybe it's blowing up Endor or something, idk. Bye bye Ewoks, right?

Next is the Falcon flying through the wreckage on Jakku. ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE MUSIC CHOSEN HERE. Honestly the music makes this bit so good. And then we get Rey asking about "stories" from the past, to which Han says, "they're true, all of them. The dark side, the Jedi." Or something like that. This is interesting cause if you think about it, the Jedi were all but a myth by Return of the Jedi, and the Sith were destroyed after that. But the general populace didn't know anything about either, so of course Rey and Finn have no clue or little clue of what they are or were. And here Han was a firsthand witness to both, so he can confirm that yes they are real. Looks like the Falcon has a hologram of planets here, which is cool. 

Quick cuts here. Hyperspace, "This Christmas," and then, BOOM..........the best shot (for me at least): Kylo and six other cloaked and helmeted people in the rain. THE. KNIGHTS. OF. REN. Two guys have staffs (staves?) like Rey, two guys have guns I think, and one guy to the left of Kylo in the back has what looks like a buster sword, like Cloud in FFVII. Guh it's so awesome looking. Oh, and all those dead bodies all around?? What'd you DO, KYLO? WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR FACEEEE?

Some battles ensue, some things blowing up, and then Han, Rey, Finn, and BB-8 walking into a heavily bannered building. One banner in particular is the Mandolorian symbol Boba Fett has on his shoulder armor, so that's cool. I'm guessing this is the pirate bar. Very cool. Cause I'm thinking the chick taking to Rey in this trailer is Maz Kanata (Lupita N'yongo), who is on the poster I think too. Which is cool to finally SEE. 

Things go by in a flash here; Kylos ship, Captain Phasma (Gwendoline Christie) walking, Rey crying (I hope it's over Finn getting a limb hacked off and NOT from anyone dying, but we will see), Han and Chewie and Finn caught and looking surprised at something off-screen (interesting), BB-8 and Poe fighting TIEs on the snow planet, Rey shooting angrily (I'm guessing at Kylo or troopers), Han and Leia hugging while seemingly upset. This shot gives me hope that they're still in love in this film, maybe not married but still in love. That's cloudy as of right now though. 

And finally Finn fighting Kylo, who has his mask off. I was hoping we'd see his face in this one, and I'm hoping he is scarred up a bit. I mean, not that Adam Driver isn't the best looking hunk out there, but I don't want a clean faced hipster dude under a super awesome helmet like his. I want him to have at least one scar. Anyway, Finn has made a huge mistake, and it shows on his face here. Priceless. Can't wait to see that duel. 

All said and done, this raises my hype level to an 11. I'm very happy with the look and feel of it; it feels like Star Wars, and it looks like it too. I'm happy with what I know of the story for sure, and a lot was confirmed in this trailer, as far as what I've been reading of spoilers. But it's gonna be great to actually SEE. Wish I woulda gotten to see Luke in this one, but it's ok. Seeing the Knights of Ren was very cool, so I'm good. I wanna know about EACH ONE of those guys! 

Goo job JJ Abrahams! Can't wait to give you my money!

See you all next time. 

Shameless Self Promotion

For months I have been dark, but I cannot keep my silence any longer. Too many things have come to pass that I feel I MUST comment on. The inner nerd (and the outer one) can keep this vigil no longer. Movies, conspiracies, books, and even television have all seen additions that have made me come out of hibernation to ask you this one, simple question:

There has been an awakening. Have you felt it?

Seriously though, it’s time to return. I decided to take a break from writing this blog, which turned into an extended vacation of sorts. This led to a hiatus, which turned into a pit of loathing and self-deprecation, and a spiraling meltdown of the brain with endless questions of existence. Yes, woe is me. But woe is you too, since you have been without my words and thoughts for a long time. So here we go.

Getting right down to business, the first thing I want to talk about is STAR WARS!

Yes, the long awaited sequel to the original Star Wars trilogy is finally within sight, starting with “The Force Awakens.” It was around three years ago that Disney acquired the popular franchise from the king neckbeard himself, George Lucas. 

Can you believe that the next chapter of the popular space opera is filmed and being readied for consumption as of right this minute? It is truly amazing to think that in my lifetime alone I have seen the dormant OT (Original Trilogy circa 1977-1983) get a revision in the mid-90’s with the Special Edition, then get a PT (Prequel Trilogy, also known as “Utter Crap”), to now having the one of the largest and most widely known companies produce a brand new and fresh addition to the saga coming in December.

I can only imagine how some of you older ones feel, having witnessed the destruction of the dinosaurs and all the other historical events that make you old now seeing your inevitable end creeping closer. Oh, and also there is a new Star Wars for you to scratch your head at and ask, “W-what’s an Ewok?” or “Jabba the What?”

There are now three trailers out for this movie (which are each equally hype inducing), several books and comics to lead us through this “Journey to the Force Awakens,” and a television show that his bridging the gap between the PT and the OT, called “Star Wars Rebels.” I believe I have commented on this show in the past, and let me tell you, I was wrong.

“Star Wars Rebels” is in fact a pretty good show. Freddie Prinz Jr. doesn’t ruin any part of the show, and that stupid Ezra kid, while still stupid, isn’t as Jar Jar Binks as he initially came off as being. I could not have been farther from the truth with my initial feelings about the show. I has all the story and heart as the original movies do, with some twists and action elements that keep the viewer wanting to find out what happens. It is worth a look at, if you were wondering.

Secondly, I would like to switch gears and talk about one of the projects I have been working on for a few years now. It is a comic book that a friend and I have developed and will be released in December. It is called “The Red Hand.” You may have heard me talk about it either here on the blog or some other medium, but I assure you it IS a real thing that IS going to come out very soon.

Without giving the entire plot away, the basics of the story are as follows:

There is a man.

That is pretty much it. Thanks for reading my blog and may the force be with you!

I’m just joshing you, guy. Pffsh. 

The story is about a man named Matt Walker, a divorced father of one who works for a company that develops new tech and armor for the military. After a tragic death in his family, he sets out to bring justice to the one who caused it, and along the way unravels a mystery that is too big for anyone to ignore. Using prototype armor from the company he works for, he goes on a vigilante mission to find the man responsible for the death that cut him to the core and forced him to become the Red Hand. But far from being a superhero with powers or special abilities, Matt must fight his way through gangsters and thugs, all while battling his inner turmoil at losing a beloved family member.

Obviously there is more to the story than that. There are other characters and things that happen, but that is essentially it. The first page will be released in December, followed by the next page later in the week, or possibly the week after. Depending on how it all comes together we may do a bi-weekly release, rather than a weekly one. But the first issue is going to be kind of a trial-and-error process that will help us not only gauge the interest in the story but also gather other info that will help us as we release more. But we are excited and eager to show you all.

Expect more from me very soon here on the blog. I already have my breakdown of the newest Star Wars trailer, so look forward to that. But that is all for this edition of Night Rider. Stay tuned to see me in a clown costume bring new meaning to the phrase, “jump the shark.” Just like the Fonz did. Ayyyyyyyy. 

So long, jerks!

 

Come and rock me Doctor Zaius!

So I was pretty pumped to see this movie and I feel like my expectations were matched pretty evenly. As a fan of the originals and the reboot from 2011 (not the Tim Burton one), I was hoping for a film that held my interest, not confused or angered me.

I'm looking at you, Tim Burton.

Nothing can top the original from the 60's, but as long as an 'Apes' film stays in the same vein as its origin, it has the potential to do well. Rise of the Planet of the Apes (released in 2011) achieved this by introducing how the apes became sentient. This was a good starting point, especially because it didn't focus on evolution, but instead adopted a more scientific approach. It also focused on the apes and not the humans, unlike other movies.

I'm looking at you, GODZILLA.

I liked this new movie for those very reasons, with only a few nuanced reasons I didn't like. Read on for my review, and get your stinking paws off me!

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes takes place ten years after 'Rise' from 2011. Apes have built a thriving community in the woods of Muir forest in the San Fransisco area, and it's obvious they are better off that way. This film takes the idea of apes becoming sentient and exacerbates it, or speeds it up, showing how things have changed since the first ape became self aware by coming in contact with the monolith.

Wait...no...that's a different movie.

What I like about this is that while they are still very primitive, they do have a kind of intelligent culture developing. It's not like what is shown in the 60's film, but you can see how things are heading in that direction.

For example, they use a mixture of sign language and grunts as you'd expect, but also some actual words to communicate, which makes sense because of how their leader, Caesar, was brought up by the humans. Their language shows how intelligent they have become, but having the apes talk isn't used as a gimmick or trick like in other versions.

Still looking at you, Tim.

Tensions rise after a human runs into a couple of apes, gets scared, and shoots one dead. This leads Caesar to let the humans know just how things will proceed by telling them to stay away from their territory. The only problem is that mankind isn't as self sustaining as the apes.

Unlike the apes, the humans need power, as their fuels are running dangerously low. Their only hope is a dam that lays within the apes territory. The whole situation is a powder keg, and as you can guess, things don't go well - for either party.

I won't say much more about the story than that, but I DO want to comment on the characters and their place in the story.

All good stories have similar characters. Think about it this way: Batman and Joker are essentially the same character, only with different motivations and goals. And it doesn't have to be heroes/villains either, like in the case of Han Solo and Luke Skywalker. They are the exact same character story wise, just with different backgrounds, but with the same kind of "hero journey."

Caesar and the main human character, Malcolm, have the same goals in the movie. They both want to keep the peace between apes and humans, all while keeping their family and people safe. They both are leaders, but find it increasingly difficult to maintain control or influence. It's this familiarity that makes the two unlikely friends.

But JUST friends. There's no ape/human kissing like in the 60's movie.

Ugh.

There are a few really scary moments, and I don't mean scary as in like "BOO!" or jump moments. Just look at this picture and you'll see:

I mean, is that not unsettling? An ape with a gun, like, is really strange. I realize in the original the apes had guns, but I think because it was just a dude in a suit it wasn't scary, for me at least. Maybe it was back in the 60's. But that image is enough to add an element of fright to this movie that is both good and bad. Bad in the sense that my wife refuses to watch it with me, but good because thank the lord I get a moment to myself, y'know?

Basically, the movie is well done, and is left open for another sequel that I'm sure will blow the peals off bananas. Which, oddly enough is my only complaint, the lack of more banana jokes. Or bananas IN the movie for that matter. Oh well.

All-in-all, I give this movie five Charlton Heston's screaming on a beach out of five.

I hope you enjoyed this "review" and continue to visit this blog. It's just a hobby, but it's nice to have visitors. So feel free to comment or whatever here or on Facebook, Twitter, or Tumblr.

That's it for now. I'll go back to playing Ingress. What? You've never heard of Ingress? Hm. Well....

www.Ingress.com

Thanks again. Here's a glimpse at my next post:

Just kidding, that's a dang, dirty ape.

Rebels And Starry Wars And Stuff

So this post will be about Star Wars Rebels, the new show for kids (kinda) on Disney. This will be a review more for people who want to know what it's about, not necessarily those who care to watch it, and those who have a mild interest. But, if you have NO interest in Star Wars Rebels, just stare at this picture until you do:

Star Wars Rebels aired on Disney XD recently, and, if you're like me, initially you feel all "Yay! More Star Wars! And it's made by the same people who did The Clone Wars, so it will be a great for sure! And everyone's favorite actor Freddie Prinze Jr. is doing a voice for one of the main characters!" But then you say all that out loud and, for SOME obscure reason you can't pinpoint, it sounds strange. 

But we've been told it'll be a "really cool show that will explain the birth of the rebellion," and be an "action-packed adventure with memorable characters," and "watch it cause we have this shiny new toy but don't know how to use it and we are grasping at straws and we really need you to like Star Wars right now!" 

Uh-huh. Yeah I'm not buying it either. Let's walk together through the episode(s) that aired and see what works with them, and what's broken. 

So it starts with Ezra SomethingForgettable, an Aladdin-type character (probably orphaned, more than likely friends with only primates) brooding about living in a town where the Empire is oppressively...um...oppressive. He does the Robin Hood thing and helps out a fellow citizen while making the Imperials look like buffoons (y'know, like REAL kids do). But his life changes when he runs into a roguish green wearer who is obviously a Jedi. 

Turns out that Jedi is named Kanan (voiced by Freddie Prinze Jr., I KNOW RIGHT) and is the leader of a small band of thieves who are Striking Back at the Empire (see what I did there?) by stealing provisions and giving them to the oppressively oppressed. Ezra WhoCares joins the crew, only to get captured by the dreaded Agent Callus (I swear that's his name).

While rescuing Ezra DoofusFace, the band learns that a group of Wookies has been sent to the famed spice mines of Kessel to be slaves for the Empire. Dun dun dun! So they all go to Kessel and rescue the walking carpets. Easy peasy. 

That's pretty much it. There's some interesting tidbits that are kinda thrown into the plot here and there. Like how Kanan reveals he's a Jedi to Agent Callus, making the him contact a Sith "Inquisitor" (which doesn't make sense because there's only supposed to be two Sith at any given time and Vader is, y'know, out there), and it's revealed that Ezra DeadBehindTheEyes is force-sensitive, leading Kanan to offer to train him. 

The characters are all well designed, but their personalities make them beige into stereotypes, like they needed characters for certain parts, but nothing more. Like there are Han Solo types, Luke Skywalker types, and so on. But they lack originality due to their being like other, more well known characters.

First we have Kanan, a Jedi (voiced by Freddie) who was advertised as a "cowboy Jedi," which I don't understand and hate. There's a Twi'lek pilot named Hera who has a...a THING...with Kanan, and they both fall into the Han Solo roles. There's a big and burly cockney alien named Zeb who is something akin to the original Ralph McQuarrie concept art for Chewbacca, only not cool and more in the vein of Jar Jar. And finally there's Sabine, a Mandalorian girl who is an artist/explosives expert and obviously the love interest for Ezra PleaseDie. Because when you think of the birth of the Rebellion against the Empire, you should think of 14 year olds figuring out where they stand with each other in love...and war. 

Star Wars, everybody.

I feel like this show is basically an advertisement for toys. All the characters look like plastic toys with "32 points of articulation!" like they say in toy magazines. As if Disney didn't already make enough money from all their merch. Honestly, tell me this doesn't look like its being marketed to children ages 10 and up:

I rest my case. It's like they made the toys first, played with them for a bit, then wrote a story based on their adventures on the carpet. 

With The Clone Wars, each character was reminiscent of the original cast from the movies, but had their own originality that endeared the audience to them. That's why characters like Ahsoka Tano was so hugely popular, among other reasons. But the show felt like it was telling a story, not trying to be flashy and brightly colored in your face. 

This show makes me miss The Clone Wars even more than I did, too. In Clone Wars, the heroes were fighting robots, so slicing them down or shooting their heads off wasn't really all that violent. But with Rebels, the heroes are shooting stormtroopers, who are humans. Pretty much just murdering people is what these new characters do, even the young ones too.

I'm sure the show will mature and find it's place as it goes, but you'd think the creators would figure out what it's gonna be early so there's no confusion or questions like, "Is this supposed to be Star Wars or Pokémon?" 

All in all I'd give this first episode three idiot Ezra JumpFromSomethingHigh's out of five. 

Thank you for reading, and sorry about how long it took to get another post out. Not that I think people are THAT interested in my blog, but I hope you enjoy my posts and want to keep you interested if you do. 

To anyone getting the email version of the blog, know that I'll be discontinuing that feature soon. It's redundant and id rather you just come to the actual website to view the posts. 

Once again, thank you, and as they say, "Live long, and may the Force be prosperous with you!"

Here's a clue to my next post:

I'm Working On It

Any day now. Promise.

It's Pumpkin Season Guys...

Pumpkin pie is arguably the best pie you could ever hope to ingest. With so many different ways to enjoy it, pumpkins are almost as versatile as potatoes, which are also amazing, but let's stay on track. So please join me in a fiercely debated topic: year-round pumpkin pie.

Just like how everyone wants to be Batman (yes you do), everyone loves pumpkin pie. It's a delicious treat that starts becoming available in the fall, and makes for a great latté at your favorite coffee shop. You can have it with whipped cream, or a scoop of ice cream, or even plain for all you simpletons out there. Weirdos.

But none of this matters really. Why? Because you can only get pumpkin flavoured things in the fall. Sure, thats when the season for pumpkins starts and they are growing and junk. But, with all the genetically modified foods out there, you'd think someone would've made a pumpkin that grows all-year round.

It's depressing, but this isn't a food blog, so sooooo.......

Star Wars Episode VII began filming this year and it set the world on fire with anticipation. That fire has spread uncontrollably since pictures and artwork have been "leaked" from the set. Most of you have seen them, but I'd like to highlight some of the most exciting ones I've seen.

Set to be released late 2015, Star Wars Episode VII will hopefully look something like this:

This is obviously not official (because Carrie Fisher is NOT that thin), but it is a glimpse of what it will look like. Now don't get your hopes up, because like I said in a previous post, there will be no Lando in Episode VII, so just ignore Billy Dee there in the middle. This next one is done with photoshop, but it's no less exciting:

This one features most of the main actors that have been announced to be in the movie(s). Again, it's photoshopped and not official, but does it not excite your midichlorians a little? Now on to some official stuff.

So this is a "leaked" picture of the new Stormtrooper helmet, and an artist rendition of what they'll look like onscreen. It's reminiscent of the old ones, but way cool and whatever. My question is this: if the Empire was destroyed in Return of the Jedi, why are there still Stormtroopers?

These pics were leaked recently. It's of the Millennium Falcon and two new versions of the X-Wing fighter or the Z-95 Headhunter, I'm not sure. Who knows. It's so cool to see the Falcon and something that resembles a spaceship that I don't even care. This is awesome.

This is all fine and good and Star Wars is cool, but what I really want to know is what the story will be about. What will happen? What has happened to my favorite characters? I'm interested in these things because I think all Star Wars fans are worried, and I'll tell you why....in song.

When the original trilogy (or the OT) was released in the 70's and 80's, no one had a problem with the story. It was solid and entertaining and an adventure to watch and grow up with. And when the prequel trilogy (or the PT) was announced everyone got excited. There would be more Star Wars in the world! Yay us!

But man, were we all wrong. The story was convoluted, the acting was bad, and the only really good thing to come out of it was Ewan McGregor and his portrayal of a younger Obi-Wan Kenobi. God bless him for that.

And Mace Windu. He was baaaaad.

"Say 'what' again, I double dare you!"

George Lucas single handedly created the sci-fi film layout with the OT. But with the PT he single handedly destroyed his own creation and forever blurred the lines that separated his fans from everything else. After Episode I, people who had been hardcore Star Wars fans felt jaded and ended up looking for alternatives to feed their desire for sci-fi.

That's when movies started trying to be Star Wars, and I think it was a good thing because it paved the way for Disney to start making movies that would later prove their competence at taking the reins of Star Wars. It's like when Han gave the Millennium Falcon to Lando in Return of the Jedi.

And she won't. Star Wars fans have been hurt in the past, and we won't be happy with anything less than perfect, unlike Star Trek fans who just accept the fact that every other film is going to be terrible. "The Search For Spock"? Ugh, please. And don't get me started on the updated versions either.

So, I am excited for the new Star Wars movies. I especially can't wait for official pictures of the cast, like Luke in his Jedi robes, or Han I'm his space pirate costume. Or even the newcomers like whoever Daisy Ridley or John Boyega are going to play. This is as close as we can get right now:

As long as George Lucas has nothing to do with this new set of movies, I am fine. Because no one wants to see things like this anymore:

I think about those pictures a lot.

Thank you for reading my blog. I will be reviewing movies shortly, I just have to see them. Like the new Ninja Turtles, Planet of the Apes, and Guardians of the Galaxy. Those will be sometime soon.

Until then, please click an ad, because I can't. Google will kidnap my wife and child and hold them hostage if I do.

Which is why I have Liam Neeson on speed dial.

Goodbye, and thanks again.

Wow. Such Batman. So Blog. Wow.

Wow. From that title, I bet you're thinking, "Batman? Blog? Is this a blog post about the new Batman/Superman movie of 2015?" Well, dear reader, yes AND no. There will be Batman, but no Superdork. And there will be a blog. And there will be blood. 

Just kidding about that las part.

Or am I?

So first off, Batman. Or "Batfleck" as he's being called, because of being played by Ben Afleck, you know, THIS guy:

Y'know, I really want to hate Benfleck for being cast as Batman, but he looks SO cool in the new costume. And standing next to the new bat mobile in all black and white makes him look all the more cool. I realize this is kinda old news, but I feel like it's awesomeness is reason to talk about it further. Take a look:

Guh...that's so awesome looking. And not a trace of anything remotely resembling his "performance" in Gigli, or the crybaby he played in Pearl Harbor. And in Armageddon. And...well everything he's been in. Did he cry in Daredevil? I think so. I never saw Dogma, so I don't know if he cried like a girl in that or not. Well, either way, in this he looks like Batman, and a really good Batman. Pure, gritty, and tough Batman. Batman. Say it with me, BATMAN.

For Batman. 

There's been a ton of Batmen. Adam West, Michael Keeton, Christian Bale, this guy:

I even tried on the cape and cowl at one point:

Don't tell me criminals wouldn't run in terror if I were standing at the end of a dark alley saying, "Swear to ME!" over and over. I would make a phat Batman. "Phat" as in "cool," not the acronym P.H.A.T., meaning "pretty hot and tempting." The more you know...

So in addition to that SWEET Batman costume, the bat mobile is even sweeter. It's got shocks, pegs......luckyyyyy. Seriously, look at this thing. It's got a machine gun on the nose:

I really don't know what Batman would do with a machine gun on the front of his car, but I'm sure it'll be really cool. Much cooler than whatever Supernerd will be driving. 

Haha I mean seriously. I know Supersissy can fly and stuff, but in the area of coolness, he's really just a clown in his pj's who can punch hard. Yeah, it's powerful, but "the swift do not always win the race, nor do the mighty win the battle." Batman is tough and looks cool doing it. 

Ok, ok. All joking aside, the Batman/Superman/Wonder Woman (yeah I'm not talking about Wonder Woman in this one) movie of 2015 will be pretty awesome. But not as awesome as Star Wars VII. Yep, they're making a new Star Wars movie, and with most of the original actors. How did I come by THAT knowledge??

No, I am not a wizard. This is actually old news, I just really wanted to use the pic of that guy. I'm going to use it as much as possible, just watch me. I'll be covering the new Star Wars movie(s) as news unfurls and official pictures start dropping from official sources. And I say MOST of the original actors because the most important actor is not returning for Episode VII. Of course, I'm talking about Billy Dee Williams, better known as the galaxies flyest cat, Lando Calrissian. 

It's a shame, but oh well. 

In other news, I have another way you can see my blog, and it may be a little easier to read for all you fogeys out there. It's over at this link. I'm sure you'll understand. Weebly is a good site for blogging and stuff. Plus, it has an AdSense button too! So make sure you click the crap outta any ads you see on this or that blog. 

That's pretty much all I have for you at the moment. I know I said the next post would be a review of a movie, but the last movie I watche was The Stepford Wives with Matthew Broderick and Nicole Kidman, an I don't think you'd want my review of that. Unless you do...?

Stay with me, I'm sure I'll review something at some point. As always, thank you for coming. Have a good one.