Rebels And Starry Wars And Stuff

So this post will be about Star Wars Rebels, the new show for kids (kinda) on Disney. This will be a review more for people who want to know what it's about, not necessarily those who care to watch it, and those who have a mild interest. But, if you have NO interest in Star Wars Rebels, just stare at this picture until you do:

Star Wars Rebels aired on Disney XD recently, and, if you're like me, initially you feel all "Yay! More Star Wars! And it's made by the same people who did The Clone Wars, so it will be a great for sure! And everyone's favorite actor Freddie Prinze Jr. is doing a voice for one of the main characters!" But then you say all that out loud and, for SOME obscure reason you can't pinpoint, it sounds strange. 

But we've been told it'll be a "really cool show that will explain the birth of the rebellion," and be an "action-packed adventure with memorable characters," and "watch it cause we have this shiny new toy but don't know how to use it and we are grasping at straws and we really need you to like Star Wars right now!" 

Uh-huh. Yeah I'm not buying it either. Let's walk together through the episode(s) that aired and see what works with them, and what's broken. 

So it starts with Ezra SomethingForgettable, an Aladdin-type character (probably orphaned, more than likely friends with only primates) brooding about living in a town where the Empire is oppressively...um...oppressive. He does the Robin Hood thing and helps out a fellow citizen while making the Imperials look like buffoons (y'know, like REAL kids do). But his life changes when he runs into a roguish green wearer who is obviously a Jedi. 

Turns out that Jedi is named Kanan (voiced by Freddie Prinze Jr., I KNOW RIGHT) and is the leader of a small band of thieves who are Striking Back at the Empire (see what I did there?) by stealing provisions and giving them to the oppressively oppressed. Ezra WhoCares joins the crew, only to get captured by the dreaded Agent Callus (I swear that's his name).

While rescuing Ezra DoofusFace, the band learns that a group of Wookies has been sent to the famed spice mines of Kessel to be slaves for the Empire. Dun dun dun! So they all go to Kessel and rescue the walking carpets. Easy peasy. 

That's pretty much it. There's some interesting tidbits that are kinda thrown into the plot here and there. Like how Kanan reveals he's a Jedi to Agent Callus, making the him contact a Sith "Inquisitor" (which doesn't make sense because there's only supposed to be two Sith at any given time and Vader is, y'know, out there), and it's revealed that Ezra DeadBehindTheEyes is force-sensitive, leading Kanan to offer to train him. 

The characters are all well designed, but their personalities make them beige into stereotypes, like they needed characters for certain parts, but nothing more. Like there are Han Solo types, Luke Skywalker types, and so on. But they lack originality due to their being like other, more well known characters.

First we have Kanan, a Jedi (voiced by Freddie) who was advertised as a "cowboy Jedi," which I don't understand and hate. There's a Twi'lek pilot named Hera who has a...a THING...with Kanan, and they both fall into the Han Solo roles. There's a big and burly cockney alien named Zeb who is something akin to the original Ralph McQuarrie concept art for Chewbacca, only not cool and more in the vein of Jar Jar. And finally there's Sabine, a Mandalorian girl who is an artist/explosives expert and obviously the love interest for Ezra PleaseDie. Because when you think of the birth of the Rebellion against the Empire, you should think of 14 year olds figuring out where they stand with each other in love...and war. 

Star Wars, everybody.

I feel like this show is basically an advertisement for toys. All the characters look like plastic toys with "32 points of articulation!" like they say in toy magazines. As if Disney didn't already make enough money from all their merch. Honestly, tell me this doesn't look like its being marketed to children ages 10 and up:

I rest my case. It's like they made the toys first, played with them for a bit, then wrote a story based on their adventures on the carpet. 

With The Clone Wars, each character was reminiscent of the original cast from the movies, but had their own originality that endeared the audience to them. That's why characters like Ahsoka Tano was so hugely popular, among other reasons. But the show felt like it was telling a story, not trying to be flashy and brightly colored in your face. 

This show makes me miss The Clone Wars even more than I did, too. In Clone Wars, the heroes were fighting robots, so slicing them down or shooting their heads off wasn't really all that violent. But with Rebels, the heroes are shooting stormtroopers, who are humans. Pretty much just murdering people is what these new characters do, even the young ones too.

I'm sure the show will mature and find it's place as it goes, but you'd think the creators would figure out what it's gonna be early so there's no confusion or questions like, "Is this supposed to be Star Wars or Pokémon?" 

All in all I'd give this first episode three idiot Ezra JumpFromSomethingHigh's out of five. 

Thank you for reading, and sorry about how long it took to get another post out. Not that I think people are THAT interested in my blog, but I hope you enjoy my posts and want to keep you interested if you do. 

To anyone getting the email version of the blog, know that I'll be discontinuing that feature soon. It's redundant and id rather you just come to the actual website to view the posts. 

Once again, thank you, and as they say, "Live long, and may the Force be prosperous with you!"

Here's a clue to my next post: