Im Just Testing Something...

Ima testin out my flippers cause im swimmin in a waterfall, call me Carl and ill get you in for nothin, imma need to see your id this aint no free weekend, no itsa better marsupial madness comin at ya roughness, like it or not, happy like a motocross priestest livin on a prayer, dyin on saturday, gonna wipe your mouth with my foot real fast, animal speed test walkin like a driveshaft, its time to boogy.

Have You Ever Felt Like You Were Suffocating, But Then You Take Off Your Socks And Then You Feel Better? Yeah, Me Either

Boy, that snow sure does suck. 

But you know what sucks worse than a crap-ton of snow? These things:

-Twilight

-The Band "Grizzley Bear"

-A zit on your lip

-Twilight

-Being old enough to work but too young to retire

-Drowning

-Twilight

Those are just a few. But moving on. 

Let me tell you a story:

My dad tints windows for a living (SALES PITCH: D. T. Services now comes to YOU! Got sun? Get tint! Call for details). Anyway, so he figured out that he could buy his film from a place in China that has the exact same product he used to get here in the U.S., only cheaper and more of it.

Still with me? Ok. So he sends an email to this company asking for prices and what other products they carry blah blah blah and he got a response recently. And here, now, is the honest to God real response email he received, in all of its broken engrish glory:

Hi Dan

Thank you for your reply! It is Choi who is general manager at Nexfil USA.

Refer to your question, there should not be any necessary for you to purchase minimum quantities required at the moment. As long as we have stocks, you would be able to welcomed to purchase even 1roll.
We call Premium Grade(Dyed Extruded 2Ply) is color stable and life time warranty for all. Herewith I attach the file of our warranty form for auto and commercial items.

If you have any question, please contact me or Jennie.

Choi

Oh trust me Choi, i has question. 

I would love to diagram this email with an English major. Maybe it just translates weird from Chinese to Amurrican (yes, Amurrican), but its just silly sounding when read out loud. The "even 1roll" part makes me giggle. 

Anyway, i dont have any pictures to post so i thought id amuse you with words this time. And it was worth it, yes? Thought so. 

Thats all for now.  

-Dangerously Harris

Sharktopus, Sharktobear, Monkey Island, and Sexy Hotdogs

Welcome back to my blog, where i hold the mirror up to society and
say, "hey society-look at yourself in the mirror."
I hope everyone missed me, i know i did (cue the canned laughter). Ive
made it my personal mission to keep blogging at least once a week, so
stop crying and shut up.
First things first: ladies and teenage boys, i would like to intro-
deuce you to - THE SHARKTOPUS!!! This, as you may have guessed is a
freak of nature; a shark with the body of an octopus. Its not a real
creature, and thank your lucky stars its not. Can you imagine what one
of those things could do to the ecosystem? All the multi-digitedness
of an octopus, plus all the scary-as-all-unholy-creepiness as a shark.
What a combo. And how! Moving oooon...
Next is, well, its basically the sharktopus but with a little bit of
bear thrown in. I call it THE SHARKTOBEAR!!! Ick, it would make me
produce flaming bricks from my colon if i ever met one. They dont
exist either (duh) but wouldnt that freak you out!?
Next is a pic of my avatar on xbox live. Hes wearing a shirt that says
"I found the treasure of Mélée Island and all i got was this stupid t-
shirt." its kindof an inside joke. Ive been playing this old Lucasarts
game called "The Secret of Monkey Island," and in it you begin the
game on this island called Mélée island. Your character wants to be a
pirate and has to complete three trials before he can be one. One of
the trials is to find the treasure of Mélée island. When you find it,
inside the chest is a t-shirt that says,"I found the treasure of
Mélée Island and all i got was this stupid t-shirt." So i found it
funny that they had this in the xbox live marketplace, so i got it.
End of story.
Lastly, this ones just for shiggles. Its a pic of a hotdog squirting
itself with ketchup and mustard. Not sure why, maybe he wants to feel
tasty, or maybe he wants to look like an even hotter dog, but despite
all this, it makes me laugh. The amount of joy hes getting from doing
that is histerical. And sick. It makes me hungry and uncomfortable.
Anyway, thats all i have right now. Ill update more when i have
material. But this economy isnt lookin good, so hang on to your butts
and remember:
The best way to survive the zombie uprising is to be prepared before
it happens!!!
Thank you, and goodnight.

New!!! And Dinosaurs

Here are just some pictures i found and decided to share.
The first is some monks. Nothing exciting about that. Except that they
seem to be enjoying themselves-all but the dude in the back with the
sunglasses on. He seems clueless, but thats a mean trick to play on
old grampa blindazabat if you ask me. Moving on!
The next is...well...Jesus um, riding a...how do i put this...a
dinosaur. I mean sure, why not. The world has tried to claim alot of
things about Jesus, like he wasnt Gods son, and he married Mary
Magdelene, and they even say he didnt exist at all. So im not
surprised to see the claim that Jesus rode dinosaurs, cause, yknow,
they were just SO common back during those times. I like how it says
that "we know dinosaurs survived the flood (on Noahs ark)..." even
though if you read the account about Noah, it never makes any mention
at all of anything like dinosaurs. Way to go with the facts there.
I shake my head in helplessness sometimes knowing that there are
people alive today who are really, truly this OK with being as
retarded as they are.

Jesus never rode dinosaurs. And even if he did, do you really think he
would have chosen to ride on such a bloodthirsty one like the RAPTOR
hes riding in the picture?! Thats a little unsafe, even for our
Savior. Yes, he could tame the seas and raise people from the dead,
but why would he ride a scary creature to anyplace where people were
going to be around?! Dont you think theyd be like, "oh my word, Jesus
is riding a velociraptor! Run away!!!"
Just, for future reference, take this picture as a work of fiction and
not actual fact.
Anyway. I hope you enjoy.

Thats Right...

Lazer Frenzy. Nuff said.
This looks so dangerous, but they arent real lazers, not really. Not
like Death Star lazers, but, for the purpose of making him look cool,
Gavin here was dodging REAL-LIVE SKIN SCORTCHING LAZERS....at the
Incredible Pizza place in greenwood.
So, go get em Gavin, and dodge those lazers like the ninja you are.